Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
