i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
