I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
