Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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