break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They are going to name an STD after you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
