No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
accomplished twins. life is a go
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
