did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
