I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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