I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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