im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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