umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
