All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
