Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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