i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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