Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
