He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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