just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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