All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
