ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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