is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
