he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
