All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
