I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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