It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
