Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
