Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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