I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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