Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
