Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
