suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
