I wish my penis had an off switch
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
