My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
