Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
