I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
