We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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