My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
