I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
