i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
