Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
