he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
zippers are such a cool invention
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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