I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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