Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
