Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
