respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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