I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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