I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
