He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
