just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am available for nakedness
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
