The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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