I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
nutella sex= disaster
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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