false alarm. still invincible.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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